jokers on jokes, just a harry potter story in USA
by Will Hawthorne
Summary: just two twins that are prepared to go to an american Hogwarts


JOKERS ON JOKES

The two boys who came out of the big blue

house on the third of June left with a very

joyful voice as they laughed with their previous

joke. The Joker twins have had the coincidence

of being Jokers with jokes. The twins, Jerry and

Jeffery, just put some newts in their third grade

teacher's glass of water. He drank it all in seven

gulps. Everyone burst out laughing, but that was

the mistake. Everyone in school knows the Jok-

ers and their jokes, even teachers. He turned to

Jerry, who turned to Jeffery, who turned to Jar-

ed,who turned back to him in a confused-sort-of

way. He did help, but barely. The two boys wav-

ing their dyed-red hair as they kept laughing

all the way home. They came out to play basket-

ball and met one of mom's friends, Mrs. Lokk. If

it wasn't for their mom, they would already have

several pranks on her. They left to the hoop over

near the barn, as she went up to the house.

They got a ball from the back of the shed and

started shooting at the ancient hoop at the back of

the barn. Jerry was the smart active one who most

of the time spends his time with boys. Jeff had the

girls all over him and had an active body. Jeff

and Jerry were the two most popular in the school.

Kids in sixth grade could not wait for when a Joker

twin would make something only a loony would do

happen in class.

The boys played for forteen long minutes until

Jerry said they should go in. Jerry got sixteen shots

and was jealous of Jeffery, who got forty-three.

Their dad, mom, and Mrs. Lokk were drinking

on the platform at the front of the house. Not drunk

drinking, I mean coffee. They were talking about

some sort of power until the twins came. They start-

ed talking about coffee and tea.

Their dad had dark-brown eyes, black hair, and

was a joker, just like the twins. The three thought it

ran through the had their mother's very

nice appearence and Jeffery had the

apearence and Jerry had the friendship.

"May we have coffee?" Jerry and Jeffery said in

harmony. Jerry and Jeffery like talking in harmony

or switch off-on words.

"We made you some," Their mother said, "and it

is still warm. Sit. Drink. We need to talk."

They sat and drank. It really was warm.

"So," Jerry said, starting a switch-talk.

"What," Jeffery followed along.

"Do,"

"You,".

"Want,"

"To,"

"Talk,"

"About," Jeffery said ending their talk. Jerry nor

Jeffery knew how they do it, but it works.

"Well you know the new school? It isn't, like you

would call, normal." Their father said as if each word

hurt him.

"Do we have to wear special suits?" Jerry asked

in a mock voice. He hated and a light blue

T-shirt would do.

"No, just robes." Their mother said with a pained

voice, too. She took out four peices of parchment and

gave the twins two each."If you have any questions af-

ter you read that, please ask."

The two had equiptmint and a bunch of words.

Jerry and Jeffery had the same thing,

EARSBOUL ACADAMY

of MAGICAL ARTS

Dear Mr. Joker,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been

excepted in Earsboul Acadamy of Magical Arts. To know

you are going, write back. You will be under the care of

Doug H. Boys, Order of Merlin First Class. Term will

start on July the first. We must inform you that you will

be back by April the twenty-forth.

Yours truly,

Headmaster Doug H. Boys

The other read:

UNIFORM

First-year students will require:

1. Three sets of plain work robes (purple)

2. One plain pointed hat (purple) for day wear

3. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)

4. One winter cloak ( purple, blue fastenings)

Please note that all pupils' clothes should carry name tags

COURSE BOOKS

All students should have a copy of each of the folowing:

_Grade one in Magical Spells _by N.O. Death

_A History of Magical Arts_ by Sue Namie

_Magical Ways of the Past_ by Arthur Ov Books

_Potions for First years_ By Guy Man

_Herbology Made Easy_ by G. Nee

_Transfiguration for Magical Beginers_ by Al Ways

OTHER EQUIPTMENT

1 staff

1 cauldron (bronze, standered size 2)

1 set glass or crystal phials

1 telescope

1 set brass scales

PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS

ARE NOW ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMMSTICKS

The boys looked at each other with amazed faces,

for which their Mother took it as disbelief and made a

small frown and their father said he knew they should

have known before.

"I," they said.

"You," they pointed at each other.

"We're," they said pointing at themselves.

"Wizards," Their Mother said. "I'm a Witch, your

father, a Wizard, Mrs. Lokk is even a Witch."

"No, I believe. And so does Jerry,"Jeffery said in a

truthful voice. "We sneak, learn, share, and prove. We

snock to hear about you wanting to tell us. We learned

that Amos does weird things, too."

"We shared between Amos, Jared, and us, so don't

worry." said Jerry, who had seen Mrs. Lokk's panicked

face, "And we proved that we did weird stuff, too."

Their mother had mixed exprections. Their father

had a dissapointed face, but the twins saw a small smile

across his face. The twins didn't even have time to look

up at Mrs. Lokk, before she made a small look like a an-

gery hawk and got all red with anger.

"YOU TOLD! YOU TOLD OTHER KIDS!" she stood

up shouting. Their parents acted like it was normal. Mrs.

Lokk now had sparks flying from her."THEY COULD'VE

BEEN MUGGLES AND TELL OTHER MUGGLES! THE

WIZARD SOCIATY HAS BEEN UNDER-COVER FOR

CENTURIES ON PURPOSE! MERLIN'S BEARD, IF YOU

WE'RE OLDER YOU COULD HAVE BEEN EXSPELLED

BUT YOU ARE NOT, SO IS THAT WHY YOU DID IT?"

The boys had fear in their eyes. What would happen

to them instead?

She gave a screech like a dead rabbit. She took out a

stick about four feet and with a swish of it, she vanished

into nothing.

Eager to change the subject, Jerry asked why it ends

on their birthday. Their parents laughed.

"It used to end sometime in March, but because the

dark days are above us, it's the only place safe." their fa-

ther told them.

"But it's not cloudy."Jeffery said as he went from the

platform to the grass to look at the sky.

"Jeff," Jerry said. "Be reasonable. A dark day means

theres bad things happening."

"But, what's happening thats bad." Jeffery said as he

made his way to the platform. "And if you call me 'Jeff' a-

gain, I'll start calling you Jerr."

"There is a dark man anyones only seen every year or

so," Their father said with a dark look."No one knows who

he is or what he looks like. He wears a cloak that covers all

of his body and call him the Dark Mask, though it

seems he likes the letters D.I.E. We, we is the Republic Of

Magic, think it either means die, becuase there's writing of

D.I.E. at a house and a week later everyone, that was at the

at the house, died. or it could be enitials.

"There were three people we know with those same le-

tters. One died. That one's name was Derek Izbell Efromn?

Yeah. One's only eleven. A first year in China. I don't know

that one's name. The third is Doyle Ica E. No one can pro-

nounce his name correctly so it's just E. He is a mytstery.

"He used to be a man of pure strength until his brother

took his place as Head of The Office of Destroying the Dark

Arts and no one saw him since. So we think it's Doyle." the

boys laughed.

"So when do we get our. . ." Jeffery looked at his bigger

peice of parchment, ". . . Staves and robes."

"We'll if you're that into it, then why not today?" Their

mother said as he boys got excited. "When your done clean-

ing that mess you call your room."

The boys slouched up to their room to clean.

After about a half-an-hour later they finished.

"Can we go now?"Jerry called out to his parents."We're

done with our room."

"Wait a minute, don't come down yet,"said a concerned

father.

The twins came downstairs to hear whispering. Opper-

ation Sneak, Learn, Share, Prove was starting soon.

"Why don't you tell him, your his father,"

"Why does the father have to tell the bad knews?"

"Cause they have the stern voice,"

"That's why the mother should do it,"

"Ha, Ha, your soo funny,"

"Maybe they'll find out by themselves,"

"I think some one, or some two are sneaking into some

one's conversation."

The twins looked at each other and as fast as their legs

would carry them without making a noise they ran upstairs

and walked back down breathing as slow as possible.

A Muggle way for telling if some ones lying is if they're

breathing faster than usual. Better not let them run.

The boys came down and shouted "Can we go now?"

"Sure meet us outside." said a irretaded mother.

The boys went outside to wait a minute for their father

to come out and another minute for their mother.

"We'll take brooms. Anywhere else use them for Quad-

pot or Quidditch." Their mother said holding three brooms.

"You two sort out how your gonna be riding."

"I call being on the broom by myself." Jerry said.

"No way, your scared of looking out of the second floor

window." Jeffery argued.

"I am not."

"Yeah, you are."

"No,"

"Yeah,"

But even in Jerry's mind he knew he school sat

on top of a mountian. What do you suspect?

"Fine. I'll be with dad." Jerry said.

"Why don't you have a test-ride," Their mother said giv-

ing Jeffery a broomstick with pure-black words writing, The

BLACK STORM 10 on the tip of the handel. A splinter was

sticking out of the handel. A few twigs where bent out of pos-

ition, but it looked almost good."It was popular, like when we

were children. That was about thirty years ago."

She stared into the sky for several seconds.

"Anyway, the broom?" their father said. "We only have a

couple of hours until dusk."

"Oh, yeah." She said back on Earth. "Here you go."

Jeffery took the old broom. He mounted it.

"Now kick yourself off the ground," Their father said.

Jeffery did air whiped his head as he flew into the

air. When Jeffery got used to it, which took a second, it flew in

every direction, bucking him off. Jerry laughed.

"You are the master, aren't you," He said sarcasticly.

"Shut it." Jeffery shouted mother rushed over

to him taking out her staff. Their father brought the old broom

to Jerry.

"Wan't to have a try?" he said handing him the broom.

"To get embarresed by him?" Jerry said pointing at the a

finger at the evesdroper.

"Baby?" Jeffery said, who had listened in. "Chicken?"

"Fine." growled Jerry. He grabed the broom and mounted

it. He kicked into the air. It took him longer, but he got used to

wasn't too hard. He was better than Jeffery at a sport, or

the first part of a sport.

"How do I go forward?" He said leaning foreward. It flew

foreward. He pulled back. It stopped. "I figured it out."

"I need another go." Jeffery said as thier mother came out.

"He can't be better than me at anything."

"Ha, ha!" Jerry said as he did a loop in the air. He brought

himself down to a three foot dive and landed. "Your with dad or

mom."

Their father and mother clapped loudly. Jeffery stode up.

"What ever." Jeffery said. "Dad, what do we ride?"

Everyone laughed. Their mother mounted her broom.

"Hurry!" she said as she kicked into the air. Jerry and their

father mounted as Jeffery mounted behind their father. Soon all

of them were flying. "South!" she pointed. She flew that direction

and Jerry and his father followed suit. Their mother flew next to

Jerry and said if you will it to go faster, it will. Jerry willed it and

it did, but he nearly ran into a clock tower. Jeffery was watching

Jerry from behind his father. He was really good.

After many rights and lefts they came to a tall building.

"Fly at it. Stop as soon as you get in!" She yelled over the now

howling wind. Jerry looked at the building. Glass. I've believed a

strange thing already. His mom wouldn't try to kill him. Jerry flew

the broom towards the tower, half-heartedly. He curled himself in-

to a ball as he soared. He kept flying. He didn't hear glass shatering

nor felt it. He stoped and looked around. It was magnificant. Gold

littered the pavement as a million shops all souronded him. Jeffery

and his father came out. Jeffery gasped. Jerry turned back. It was

the same building except, the glass was gold and silver.

"Amazing, isn't it?" said his mother now beside him. "Do you

see the bariers." she pointed all aroud the place. It was shaped like a

dome. "We're in a snow globe. All glass turns into silver and gold. If

you want to stay until dusk, the light shines through and everything

looks gold and silver."

"Come on, we only have so much time." Their father said. Jeff-

ery was still in awe. Then he snaped to life at the sound of time. It is

one of the imprtant things to him. Another is the girls.

"Can you do a dive that big?" Jeffery smirked. Jerry smirked.

"Trust me this is like two inches." Jerry said being smart. Jeff-

ery looked confused than snaped back to life. His father pulled into a

dive with Jeffery looking stunned. Jerry followed. This could be hard

or could it? If it was about two inches, would it be that easy? Jeffery

looked at Jerry, who looked at their mother. Right behind him. He

flew down easily. Wind ran down his face. Other wizards and witches

flew on brooms and one rode on a bike. Some people just can't stop a

ride. Ever. His father pointed at silver block upon the gold. It was ob-

viosly a landing platform. For brooms (or in the one man's perspec-

tive, bike platform. But would he get off?). Jerry dove to the platform

where a short and stubby wizard with a top hat and cane was waiting.

He wore a grey robe with black fastinings. It looked as if he came in a

route from the arctic. Some people are just wierd, the Jokers should

know best of all. He looked in a hurry, or he justs loves his watch. The

way his face looked almost reminded him of Mrs. Lokk. Red with an-

ger. When his father and mother came down they started to talk. And

taking an asumption, it won't be happy.

Jerry got down and his mother took a stick four feet out and con-

jured a lock. She ran back to the other man as Jeffery ran to him.

"Did you here what they said?" Jerry asked.

"They were talking about how we could be expelled." Jerry heard

and saw that it was true. His tone and the look. Depressed. And more.

Jerry looked down. "Ha! Got you! They're just friends. I think he's the

Republic of Magic or something." He burst out laughing until Jerry hit

him. The man walked over.

"Good day to you. Frost Biit. Minister at the Republic of Magic. I

have come to talk about your participence in school. Since you did not

know, I'll let you go to school. Your friend, Jared, will be mind wiped so

if you tell anyone again you'll be expelled, Jerry and Jeffery." They took

a look at each other. Minister Biit took out a four-foot stick and disaper-

ated. Jerry hit Jeffery again. Jeffery made a small smile. Their parents

came over and the Jokers took a look at their lists.

"First we'll get your money. Then robes. Then your staves." Their

mother said. They walked around the globe until they found a big trian-

gular shaped building. It seemed like it was made out of diamonds. But

in a snowglobe full of gold and silver, why wouldn't they believe? Jeffery

just got the information from his father so he was still in awe. The Joker

family went inside to find it was much bigger. And air-conditioned. The

bank was run by elves. All about four were beautiful. All of

them colors from green to brown. Pointed ears were visible on the coup-

les that short-hair. A female elf walked up to them. Her skin was a color

of dark green, but she looked nice.

"Hello. Are you the Joker family?" She asked. Her voice sounded not

at all how the Joker twins expected. It sounded regular.

"Yes." Mrs. Jokers said almost confused. Almost.

She conjured the today's newspaper into her hands facing the Jokers

so that they could see. The head line said **Twins Almost Expose Magic**

**into Muggle Hands**. It showed the two Joker twins, themselves. "Yeah,

I kind of figured out it was you." She giggled. Their father stole it from her

hands. Their father and mother read it. Jarry and Jeffery looked at the o-

ther twin. They were already famous. Every one knows their name, and no

tricks had to be done. Next step was to redeem their name from their year.

It doesn't matter about the Wednesday Wizard will talk about

them for a lot longer.

"I don't believe it." Their mother said.

"Yeah, it took me four years for me to become popular." Their father

said.

"No, I mean now they have to make the Joker family redeemed, then

they have to make it actually good." She whispered. "That might as well be

their whole lives."

The elf took it back and threw it away. They walked over to an elavator

to be taken to their vault. When they got inside it was stuffed. Mostly by wiz-

ards and witches, but a lot of elves.

It went up, down, sideways, backward, and foreward. When there was

just a witch, her parents, and another elf, they all got off. Her parents were

looking from their newspaper to the twins. The elf with the Joker family told

them to stop. The other family was the next vault. The Joker's vault number

was 2190878. It was a small vault. The elf took a key from inside her pocket

and told Mr. Joker to do the same. Jeffery was staring at the witch. She had

flowing blond hair with brown highlights. Cute. From a glimps of her eye Jeff

could tell she had hazel eyes. Cuter. Her face was perfect. The freckles made

it just better. Cutest. She wore a brown sweater with a P on it and thight jeans

(and about his own age). He awoke from his dream with the sound of clinking

and an urgent "Come on," by Jerry.

Jerry. He must have seen Jeffery staring at the witch. Jerry told him to

stop, and Jeffery promised. People always say 'Bros before Hoes'. Does anyone

believe that?

"Coming." he said with one last look at the family that wasn't there. Jerry

was in awe as soon as the door with two key-holes opened. It was full of pearls

and diamonds in circular shapes. Coins. Obviously because this place has gold

and silver in the darkest corners. Jerry called "Come on," and Jeffery did so, in

a matter of time, though. their father pulled out two bags as their mother came

to talk.

"Your father is giving you each about fifty dollars worth in wizard money."

She said. "Twenty-seven Drafigies is equal to a singal Alfiez. An Alviez is about

two dollars and fifty cents. You'll get eight Alfiez and fifty-four Drafigies. About

fifty dollars worth. You'll do this every year. Even if we aren't here." And the last

to sentences sounded concerned. Their father gave them their money. They left

to find the other family already in the elavator. The Jokers and the elf ran to the

elavator. Just in time. It closed right behind them.

"Excuse me, but are you the Jokers?" The witch said. Her voice just made

her the cutest thing. But Jeffery met many cutest things.

The parents glared into the others' eyes. After a while, it looked pleasent.

"Yes." The Joker parents shook the other parents hands. "I'm Joeseph and

this is my wife, Jenny. And you are?"

"George and Samantha Harber." Mr. Harber said. "And this is Pearl. A real

pearl."

"Hello!" the twins said in harmony.

Barely any of them noticed they were ground-level until the bored elves said

to move. The Joker and Pearl family moved together until they came to the robes

place. "Oh, we already got robes. Bye." Mr. Harber said.

"Bye!" the whole Joker family said together. And that barely happened. The

twins strode in, parents following. They came up to a short, thin wizard behind a

counter. A dwarf. He wore a bright red vest and brown pants. He forced a smile.

"Hello, Dwayne's Robes, here. Wait," he took out a flash card. "wait thats for

the, wait this isn't. . ." he mumbled.

"Year one robes. For two wizards. Exact wizard size: fourteen, five, and thirty

and a half. Simular." Mr. Joker said.

"Oh," he said."Here. . . wait a sec." Behind the counter was a whole bunch of

robes. It went by year than by size. Some of the spaces were gone, just to be magic-

lly replaced. Under gold letters YEAR ONE he looked at the fourteenth column, the

fifth row, and then opened up to the inside numbers with thirty and a half. Two of

the thirty and a halves had green gloves and the other had tan gloves on the top. He

took the one with tanish and put that on the counter. Then he went to the same spot

and there was another. He took that and another appeared. He brought it over and

said "Fourteen, five, thirty and a half, simular, times two, thats an Alfiez each." He

said. Jerry and Jeffery dug into their bags. They pulled out a small pearl coin and a

bigger diamond coin. The bigger one is most likely the one that cost more making it

the Alfiez. Jerry put the Drafigie into the bag and put the Alfiez on the counter. Jeff-

ery did the same. The dwarf gave them the clothes and took the Alfiez greedily. Then

they left, clothes on shoulders, to the wand shop, Street of Stacks of Staves. A weird

name, but they still went in.

A centaur stode at the door. Brown hair everywhere. His eyes were gray. He was

blind. "Let me feel your staff, before you come in." Their parents took out their staves

and their father put his staff in the hands of the centaur. He felt all around it."Joeseph

Joker. Nice to be in your presence." He toke their mothers staff as soon as he gave Mr.

Joker his back. He felt it and felt it. "Jenny Packers. Oh, married to Joeseph

Joker. I feel. Why are you here?"

"Jerry and Jeffery Joker." Their father said."Jerry will go first. Boys this is Mr. I-

canshouer the blind centaur. He memorizes people's name by their staves." Mr. Ican-

shouer bowed down low and made a gesture to allow them in.

"Let's see. . . how about a maple staff. The curves come after things happen im-

portant happens in life. And the Joker family has the most curves and indents. And I've

heard that you two aready have a famous part in life." He said taking out a maple staff

and handed it to him. "Do you feel something?"

As soon as Jerry took the stick it made an indent and a bump. The maple felt very

smooth in his fingers. "Yeah. An indent and a bump."

"Yes, the indent is for getting the wand. The other is for being on the newspaper. I

have a whole catalog for the things you get and what it has unto your wand. For the Top

Ten families that have the most carvings in it's for free. If you want to know, the ten are

on. You're number one. Now Jeffery Joker, do you want a maple like your brother or a

willow?" He said.

"Willow."Jeffery said. He didn't want his mixed up with Jerry's. He would get cred-

it for stuff Jeffery had planned. Mr. Icanshouer gave him a willow staff, four feet. They

must all be fourty-eight inches. Jeffery held it and it made an indent and a bump, but the

bump twisted. He looked at Jerry's. It was straight out."Yeah, I'd like one of those catalog

thingies."

"Well, it comes with the staff. And the staff is twenty Drafigies. And because were a

Secret Society, they're the small pearls-in-a-coin." He said.

"Yeah, I figured," Jerry said taking out a Alfiez. Jeffery, on the other hand, took out a

number of Drafigies."Can I have seven back?" Mr. Icanshouer took seven of Jeffery's, gave

them to Jerry, and took the rest. He reached under the desk and got two paper books, each

about forty pages. Jeffery took one and looked for a twist as quickly as possible. The third

page had two twists. The first said that he would either get betrayed or he will betray

in four years. The other said he saw one he loves. But with a strong feeling for girls, and be-

cause he had a twin brother, he should expect both.

They left after they thanked him and he said come every year, for him to get up-dates.

The Jokers then went to get couldrens, phials, telescopes, and scales. Later they came to a

shop called Jackie Jr's. They went inside to find it was almost like Dwayne's Robes. Colemn

by row. Under Year One there were billlions of books, but still divided. The boys still had a

good amount of money. Their father came up to the counter and said "Hello there, I really

sure you have books." in a weird (and almost mocking) voice. A man with brown hair and a

huge smile said in that weird voice but more realistic "Hey, you can't blame I for walking in

Dwayne's Robes, blind-folded." He turned around in mid-speech. "Joeseph, I was almost

thinking that you were the Dwayne dwarf. Rascally little thing."

He came out of the counter arms spread. He gave him a little hug. "Anything I can get

for you, I heard you wanted The Offical Guide to Gerwind's way of Nature. Sorry, we don't

have it."

"Don't worry, my children are here and need the first year books." Then Mr. Joker said

in a whisper "And I want to get _them_ The Offical Guide to Gerwind's way of Nature."

The rest of the Joker family aproached. Their mother shook his hand, the twins did the

same. "Jenny, it's nice to see you again," he said as he shook her hand. "Nice to see you too,

Jackie." When he shook the boys hands he said "And you're the twins, Jeffery and Jerry."

"It's Jerry and Jeffery." Jerry said proudly. Jeffery punched him.

"Yeah, I love being older, too. Eight brothers and sisters." Jackie said.

"Is this your own shop?" Jeffery asked.

"Yeah, dad gave it to me after I got fired from the Republic of Magic. I sure they only

attack people by bring them up and let them down." He nearly swore. Then he went to a girl

and her parents, the Jokers noticed them as the Harbers."Thats a Alfiez and thirteen Drafi-

gies." He said just loud enough for the twins to hear it, too.

"Did you know thetime in here is two times slower than real life. Thats why it's dusk in

the real world, but not to use." Pearl said. But Jerry and Jeffery had their eyes on the shops

and grounds. everything looked littered with gold and silver. Light was pouring into the wall

of the dome which was translucent gold and silver, alowing everything to look beautiful.

They looked at each other as if they were silver and gold themselves. The shopkeepers,

elves and older wizards and whitches acted as if it were normal, though. How boring. It only

felt like the middle of the day, but the Jokers did feel more hungry than that. They ran back

to their parents. Jeffery in far first, or so he thaught. Pearl was really fast. Jerry just dragged

behind.

"What's for dinner?" Jeffery said, still with all his breath. Then Jerry haughed as he just

got there. Pearl still had all her breath. She was right behind Jeffery. _Right behind_.

"Food," his father said with a small grin. "What else?"

The boys laughed. "No seriously. What are we eating."

"I was thinking Frowns Opposite. They give childrens meals. But we could go to the


End file.
